I've been thinking a lot about what I want to teach Jack, particularly when it comes to food. A lot of the turmoil I feel is the conflict I have within myself about eating meat. Now, I have gone vegetarian twice and suffered immensely nutritionally. It doesn't help that I dislike eating vegetables, although I do try to eat at least a portion a day for health's sake.

I love my burgers as much as the next person. When I take a tally of what I eat every week, it comes up mainly fish. I am not ecstatic about chicken, pork, or beef. I don't touch duck, deer, quail, or any baby animals (I used to love baby squid when I was a kid but stopped when I decided it was cruel to eat an animal that never got the chance to live out its life - read: no suckling pig). I have not touched shark's fin since I was in my teens and have never failed to tell people why.

Yet making the permanent transition has not been successful.

There's been much documentation about the cruelty of many slaughterhouses. In fact, there are many images of the fact I'd like to erase from my mind. Still, I truly enjoy ham, bacon, and the occasional KFC or burger - food that has become depersonalised from the animals they came from. I go into denial when I eat. That's nothing to be proud of.

Now, onto the most popular food I relish: fish. Asphyxiating is not the best way to die, not on a hot sunny day on a fishing boat, or any other day. I looked into the eyes of several catfish and groupers in a seafood restaurant recently and it saddened me greatly. They travelled miles from their own home in the sea in undoubtedly what must have been a tiny transport and now swim in a small tank waiting to be eaten.

All that is said, I need to eat to survive. Plus I need to stay nourished enough to continue breastfeeding my son. My humane eating plan has always been to limit the number of lives that have to die to sustain me each day, but there are a few more things I can do.

So this is what I have decided.

1. Stop eating LIVE seafood - those fish in the tanks.
2. Be informed about slaughter methods of the food I eat.
3. Don't order meats I don't enjoy eating anyway.
4. Don't waste any part of the animal.
5. Eat more nuts and cheeses for protein instead of meat.
6. Eat more fruits instead of meat.

It's not perfect but it is a start. Only by reconciling with myself my stance on meat can I sufficiently teach it to Jack.


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