Happy New Year! :)

I kicked off the new year nursing my baby to bed and nursing a swollen gum which throbbed for 2 hours before painkillers finally soothed it. Touching it with my tongue just made it throb again so it is a no-interference zone again.

Recently I have had a chocolate craving. Unbeknownst to humankind, I have scoffed down 1 box of Royce chocolates (in less than 5 minutes), am almost through a box of After Eights, had 2 chocolate doughnuts every time I go to Toa Payoh, and have had a considerable amount of chocolate every day wherever I go (I did surrender my second tub of Haagen Daz Belgian Chocolate Ice Cream to Lee and Ange when they cooked up a Jamie Olivier dinner for us tonight).

Alarm bells must be dinging now. Preggers? Ah wait, there is only anecdotal evidence that chocolate cravings indicate pregnancy and even more anecdotal evidence that it is a girl. Still, it is an amusing thought to nurture for a while and something to ponder as the year turns. Until the ecstasy and horror of carrying another child becomes an unequivocal reality, I will continue to enjoy my chocolate fantasy.

*Note: this could also be a by-product of my feeble attempt to become vegan and/or strict non-stocking of milk which used to be a nightly staple.

Some fun things that happened:

Last night in the car although sleepy and grumpy, Jack put down his beloved car that he was clutching in his hand just to lay his hand over my chest to say he loves me (hand on other person's chest is our sign for saying "I love you"). I almost wept. :)

Today his Dad bathed him after he did a poo (he can tell us "poo poo" now when he does it) and let him run around naked for a while. I scarcely noticed but he suddenly ran off the rug and to the corner of the room and his Dad hollered, help!

He had cleverly anticipated the poo (round 2) and ran to the corner (like the cats do) and NOT on the rug to do his poo. He even held it in and splat it hit the ground in a second when he was well-positioned. It was like a small mountain. I was very impressed.

With spider reflexes, his Dad scooped him off for a wash. I dried him off while his Dad cleaned up the poo. I praised him for his own spider reflexes and brought him to have a look at his poo. He was quite amused. :D

Technorati: chocolate craving, chocolate fantasy, chocolate cravings indicate pregnant with girl

Our Babies, Ourselves; How Biology and Culture Shape the Way We Parent by anthropologist Meredith F. Small is one book I have been looking to buy but I haven't been able to find it at any of the bookstores. Anyhow, on LiveScience today, there's an article on babies' attention to social interaction and reminds us how critical it is for us to be there, attentive and loving to them right from day one.

Excerpts from the article Your Baby is Watching (and Judging) You:

Experiments years ago by Jeffery Cohn and Edward Tronick of Children's Hospital in Boston also showed that babies have a natural distrust of even their most trusted caretakers when the social rules are not followed. Mothers were instructed to not respond when the baby reached to get her attention for a little one-on-one interaction. Instead, mothers looked back at the baby with a blank face and didn’t move. Aghast, the babies kept trying for a while and then gave up, went limp and turned away.

More startlingly, when the mothers were told to engage again, the babies refused, at first, to pay attention. They just didn’t trust someone who ignored the rules of engagement, even for a minute.

Psychologist J. Kiley Hamlin and colleagues of Yale University recently showed 6- to 10-month old babies various social situations using triangles, squares and circles that play acted helping or hindering each other. The babies clearly disliked the objects that didn't help out. The psychologists concluded that babies are good judges of character, even when they're not directly involved in the action.

This research is a surprise because no one thought babies were paying that much attention to the acts of others. And no one realized baby judgments were so harsh.

Apparently, we were fooled into thinking babies were social dunces by their sneaky ways. Human babies, with their wobbly heads and unfocused stares, look like they aren't paying attention to much of anything.

So remember, the baby is watching. That spaced-out look on her face might not be the start of a nap but the very moment in which she is deciding if you, in particular, are trustworthy.

Technorati: baby psychology, parenting

How milk is produced in the milk industry strikes a very primal chord in me. A male calf is taken from his mother at birth and thrown away to die, cold and alone, never to know a mother's warm nor suckle at her nipples. The mother cries for her baby but he is never returned. Some mothers forget fast but others mourn for weeks and months. The cow is forcibly artificially inseminated again. She becomes pregnant and gives birth once more. Her calf is taken from her yet again as she is milked to cater to the booming milk industry.

This is not fiction. Pick up any book on the milk farming industry and you'll get a similar description on how cows are forced to stay pregnant to maintain lactation and their calves torn from them at birth. Cows are emotional creatures (another reason I am staying away from beef) and having their children taken from them is the most distressing thing a mother can experience. You can read more about it here: The Dairy Cow, Milk: A Cruel and Unhealthy Product, and Veal: A Byproduct of the Cruel Dairy Industry. Note that organic milk is produced the same way.

I am pleased to say Rice Milk has grown on me. :) The addition of B12 helps all on vegan diets. I haven't touched milk although I still eat cheese. While I still had some ham and shrimp (shrimp trawling bad I know) the past 2 days, awareness of what I eat and where it is from is a step towards a humane diet.

Technorati: milk bad, milk cruel, dairy industry, cruel dairy industry

Having swigged down 2-3 glasses of soy (or soya) milk so far and eaten a plate of tofu sausages (which taste like paper), I remember alarm bells sounding in my head about something I read before about soy being bad for baby boys.

Now the hub-unit and I are open to the idea of another child. Human, that is. So a bit of Googling was necessary to stem the bells.

It was a horrific line-up.

Basically to keep a long story short: eat no or very little soy, and avoid completely when nursing or pregnant or even trying (cos who knows if the bun has been heating up in that oven). It could cause gender defects in children in-vitro and out, and other uglies.

Here's a list of soy studies, plus dangers of isoflavones, and a passionate series of articles. Also worth reading is Mayo Clinic's brief on soy, and Whole Soy Story: The Dark Side of America's Favorite Health Food. Even Snopes is undecided on the matter.

Technorati: soy, soya, dangers of soya, pregnancy and soya

I have always lived by one rule: to ensure that no unnecessary suffering is endured to sustain my own existence.

Now, this is rather idealistic. By simply walking down the street, I am causing suffering to trillions of microorganisms and even ants, if I am not careful, by stepping on them and extinguishing their lives. What I shall define this rule by is my consumption of food.

Till recently, I had neglected to include the animals that live and die painfully to feed me every day. It is easy to shut your eyes to what goes on behind the scenes to produce that slab of steak and yummy drumstick. But I have decided to remove those shutters once and for all.

I have been an animal welfare advocate for more than 10 years through my website No More Cruelty! which was run by my cat Boy and now on hiatus. Since, I have supported animal welfare groups like Cat Welfare Society, SPCA, The Animal Rescue Site, and Animals Asia.

Twice I have tried to go vegetarian. The latter, I succeeded for 6 months till I slowly gave up from being always too weak and tired to do anything due to malnutrition. The one organic vegan store I used to eat at every day had closed down.

Nevertheless, this time I have decided to try again. But this time in baby steps and with a full nutritional analysis.

1. My goal is one meal at a time

Even better when several people share a nice vegan or vegetarian meal together. Friends and family have so far enjoyed my vegetarian pastas, Mexican burritos, and vegan cous cous. I've also bought a couple of vegan cookbooks and will try one vegan meal a week.

2. I will give up one type of food at a time

I have already phased out beef, lamb, deer, pork, and veal, simply because I dislike the taste of them. Chicken I eat sporadically.

It is fish that I have a tough time giving up, but the image in my head of a fish asphyxiating, flopping around in distress for 15 minutes before it dies makes it easier to give it up. I love eggs and have been hunting around for a humane egg farmer. Angie tells me Chew's is actually pretty humane but I'll have to see it to believe it. Hubby has said we'll take a trip to the farm in the near future. The alternative is I'll keep my own chickens and that's a no! :D

So for part 1, I am giving up milk first (cheese a little later because I love cheese with a vengeance). I've tried soya milk, which is okay, and rice milk which tastes kinda like breast milk. The rice milk (Rice Dream) is fortified with B12, so that covers the one thing I'll probably lack as a vegan.

3. Enjoy your meals, whatever they may be

Today at Xmas lunch and dinner, I scoffed down heaps of honey ham, parma ham, roast chicken, and smoked salmon. Heck I have a weakness for all things smoked and salted. But I felt rather ill after all that processed meat.

Key is to allow myself to eat anything I want. Eating is a pleasure. We shouldn't change that. If it becomes a chore, veganism won't become a lifelong habit. The repulsion for meat must come naturally. I remind myself that. I also remind myself no one should suffer so that I live another day.

Still, it is still better to eat only bacon as a treat and never eat any other meat, than to throw in the towel and eat everything again. Hence I will not label myself either vegan or apprentice vegan (funny marketing term I made up), or even vegetarian. This puts undue pressure on everyone and helps no one.

4. Search for humane sources of food

Truly, if I can find a farmer who allows his cows to graze in a field of farm land and have their calves naturally and stay with their mothers for a normal period of time, I would drink milk. Similarly, if I can find a farmer who lets his chickens run freely, do not debeak them, nor stick needles in them, I will eat eggs again.

Angie was telling me that in Malaysia, kampong chickens do exactly that. They run free and they lay eggs the way normal chickens do. That's why they are skinny and muscular, and their eggs are small. While it makes sense, I will have to find out more before I can consider them a humane source.

5. Do whatever I can

Whatever I do, I do whatever I can. Small things add up, like spreading the vegan meme. It has been increasing in popularity over the years and look, now you can get organic vegetarian and vegan stuff in the growing number of organic stores all over the country. Soon it will tip.

I have also continued breastfeeding my baby. Aside from the obvious benefits for both of us, I also save a ton of money in milk powder and remove my share of need from the marketplace. Less cows will suffer if every mother breastfeeds their baby.

So far I have thrown three dinner parties with vegetarian meals that the guests truly enjoyed. Considering they would have probably eaten a meat-based meal elsewhere, those meals helped save a few animals by simply offering an alternative and also great company.

An argument to dispel:

We are top of the food chain, so eating meat (et all) is the survival of the fittest. Plus, look at all the animals on Animal Planet, they toy with their prey. Cruelty is in nature.

We were also evolved large brains for our size and with that, the capacity to think, analyse, and possess compassion. Therefore if we cannot see that our mass production methods of producing food is horrifyingly cruel, we are no better than gnats, intellectually.

We can find options, alternatives. We are smart enough to do that. We're just lazy since we don't have to hunt for our food anymore. The distance between the animals that are slaughtered for our food and the nice sterile packages we bring home has made us apathetic to the process that tortures and kills millions of animals every day.

So what if nature is cruel? It is. And it is also in our capacity to reverse some of that cruelty. We have the power to make this world a better place. Why not do that instead of saying that must be the way things are. Because it is natural?

Stay tuned for more culinary adventures.

Technorati: eating humanely, going vegan, going vegetarian

Today we overran a plastic farm and Jack learnt two new words in Mandarin: zhu1 (pig) and niu2 (cow). In the morning, he reiterated his knowledge of two languages by saying men1; actually mao1 (cat) and cat when pointing to a cat (and ben, actually "Boy" when pointing to our cat Boy). In addition to den1 (light) and then light after, showing he knows it is the same word. I was so proud of him.

Surfing around waiting for my anchovy and olive pizza-toast to be grilled, I visited John's blog and found out that Sarah Conner Chronicles is hitting the small screens very soon. As a faithful Arnie and Terminator fan, I will definitely watch it! It's a plus having Lena Headey as Sarah and Summer Glau (from "Serenity" and "Firefly") in it.

Some highlights of the day: bought 2 more Xmas pressies, admired Steiff bears, bumped into my first love, bumped into an old schoolmate with a little angel as her daughter. Ate a delicious all-day breakfast with smoked salmon and my fave mocha at Dome.

Going to get my yummy pizza-toasts now!

Technorati: bilingual children, Sarah Conner Chronicles, Terminator

It was a thrill to receive Sam's acceptance email of my poem "Your Birth Day" which chronicles Jack's birth some year and a half ago. It will appear in The Journal #21 in the UK.

Technorati: poetry, The Journal, birth

Now this should inspire a poem.

Astronomers Find Enormous Hole in the Universe

It is "nearly a billion light-years across" and is completely devoid of everything, including dark matter.

Cool.

First seen on Jason Lundberg's blog.

In other news, just edited and sent out 9 poems in 2 batches. Pondering another 2 poems yet unwritten but swimming in brain for another magazine. Still perturbed about honey green tea remnants festering in now-sticky keyboard.

Technorati: hole in universe, science

Was it 2 nights ago that I finished writing The Flame at 6am? I can't remember. Motherhood does that to you. I remember falling asleep last night at 10pm while nursing Jack to bed (and meaning to stay asleep). That was after a long day out to my sister's and then for a swim, and not forgetting a long traipse around the block looking for a pay phone because I thought I dropped my phone in my Dad's car (which I did). All that drama... and I was out like a light.

Of course I felt rather accomplished for the week. I finished my first short story and not just a short-short which I used to write - those are on average 1k. This one is slightly over 10k and it is a combo of SF and horror. I'm beginning the edit today and do not envy my job of sifting through for plot holes, laggy parts, illogical bits, and everything else that drags a story down. It is easy with poems but for stories, I think most of the accomplishment is in finishing it.

I must apologise to all my online friends. I haven't been very involved lately. My personal time starts at eleven to midnight till anytime from 2-5am and during that time I read, surf, and reply emails. I have also been spending unproductive time on Facebook!

Lately I have started writing again, on this story and working on some poems. Blogging, which I did rather actively for a while, has taken a backseat but I will blog more in time to come. Everything has a season. Now for me, the reading season has just passed but the writing season has begun.

Also with the subprime crisis I have become interested in the stock market again. I picked up a handful - literally - of Google (GOOG) stock when it dipped to 628 and is now on the rise again. It has strong fundamentals although I am still watching their management closely. It'll be around at least for the next 5 years.

Boy has taken to howling at night, which I fear will annoy my neighbours too much. Tux stops after a while, but the old guy has been rather disturbed at night. Removing him from the company of the other cats has had great advantages but I am sure, although he sees them still, he feels a little lonely at night.

Today Jack said his first 2-word combo spontaneously while standing outside our home: papa car. We were enthralled. His papa was not around but he was looking for his car. I realised something - although he understands both languages, when it comes to vocabulary, he still labels one word, whether in English or Mandarin, to one item. That will change in time, but for now, horse is ma3 and duck is ya1.

Technorati: 18 month old baby two languages, short stories, poetry, Facebook, blogging, Google