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Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Super Science / The Mommy Life: Spanking => Risky Sexual Behaviour

Study: Spanking linked to risky sexual behavior
Thu, Feb 28, 2008 (HealthDay News) — Researchers have uncovered another damaging consequence of spanking: risky sexual behaviors, or even sexual deviancy, when the child grows up.

"This adds one more harmful side effect to spanking," said Murray Straus, a spanking expert who was expected to present the findings of four studies at the American Psychological Association's Summit on Violence and Abuse in Relationships in Bethesda, Md., on Thursday.

"I think that it's pretty powerful," said Elizabeth Gershoff, an assistant professor at the University of Michigan's School of Social Work. "It's across several studies and across different forms of either risky or deviant sexual behavior."

Straus, who was the author of all four studies, hopes the findings will raise awareness among child development experts.

"My hope is to convince my colleagues that they ought to put this in their textbooks," said Straus, co-director of the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire, in Durham. "It's amazing. Something experienced by all American kids gets an average of half a page in child development textbooks, and not a single one comes to the conclusion that parents should never spank."

Even the revered Dr. Spock, who was anti-spanking, never came right out and advised parents outright not to do it, he added. Instead, Spock advised "avoiding it if you can."

A meta-analysis of spanking studies conducted by Gershoff found 93 percent agreement among studies that spanking can lead to such problems as delinquent and anti-social behavior in childhood along with aggression, criminal and anti-social behavior and spousal or child abuse as an adult.

"There's probably nothing else in child development that has 93 percent agreement in results," Straus said.

Five percent of people who have never been spanked hit their partners, versus 25 percent of those who were spanked frequently.

However, some 90 percent of U.S. parents spank toddlers, according to Straus.

The review being presented at the meeting are the first to look at the relationship of spanking to sexual behavior.

They found that spanking and other corporal punishment is associated with an increased probability of verbally and physically coercing a dating partner to have sex; risky sex such as premarital sex without using a condom; and masochistic sex such as spanking during sex.

There is a "dose response" at work here. "The more parents spank, the higher the probability of harmful side effects," Straus noted.

Of course, there's a similar dose response for smokers. But if someone reaches the age of 65 without developing lung cancer, it doesn't mean that smoking isn't harmful. It means the person was one of the lucky ones.

It's the same with spanking, Straus said. "If a person says, 'I was spanked, and I don't have any interest in bondage and discipline sex, that's correct, but it's not because spanking is OK, it's because they're one of the lucky ones."

And spanking a child once may be like picking up that first cigarette. "The trouble is, if you have a 2-year-old, you pretty soon decide you can't avoid it. The recidivism rate for whatever 'crime' you correct a 2-year-old for is about 50 percent in two hours."

"I've been researching corporal punishment for 30 years and, in the course of that time, the evidence has accumulated that it doesn't work any better than non-corporal punishment but has harmful side effects. I have come to the conclusion that parents should never, ever spank because, although it does work, it's no better than non-hitting methods that don't have harmful side effects. If there was an FDA for spanking, they'd say use an alternative that doesn't have harmful side effects."
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Monday, March 03, 2008
Organic Living: What Every Mother Must Know

This made me cry. For the babies and the mothers (both links open as PDFs). It is every mother and child's most horrific, agonising nightmare and it is lived out every day by these mothers and children.
Every year, 9 million babies are snatched from their mothers after birth

All females used for milk are torn from their babies shortly after birth. Some try to fight off the attackers, some try to shield their babies with their own bodies, some chase frantically after the transport, some cry pitifully, some withdraw in silent despair. Some go trustingly with their keepers only to return to an empty stall.

They all beg for their babies in language that requires no translation: They bellow, they cry, they moan. Many continue to call for days and nights on end. Some stop eating and drinking. They search feverishly. Many refuse to give up and will return to the empty spot again and again. Some withdraw in silent grief.

They all remember to their last breath the face, the scent, the voice, the gait of every baby they carried for nine months, sundered to, birthed with difficulty, bathed, loved, and never got to know, nurture, protect, and watch live.

After repeated cycles of forced impregnations, painful births, relentless milkings, and crushing bereavements, their spirit gives, their bodies wither, their milk dries up. At the age when, in nature, a female cow would barely enter adulthood, the life of a dairy cow is over. When her milk “production” declines, she and her other “spent” herd mates are trucked off to slaughter. Some are pregnant. All are still lactating.

As they are shoved towards death, they drip milk onto the killing floor.

Every year, millions of newborns are killed for their mothers’ milk

All babies born to females used for milk production are torn from their mothers shortly after birth. They are barely days old, umbilical chords still attached, coats still slick from the birth fluids, legs wobbly, eyes unfocused. They are defenseless. They are frightened. They cry pitifully.

They all beg for their mothers in language that requires no translation. They beg for the life-sustaining warmth of their mothers’ presence, the heartbeat that promised life and protection long before they were born, the comfort of their mothers’ scent and voice, the nourishing milk that is their birthright.

Chained in dark, coffin-sized veal crates, they search feverishly for anybody to bond with, anything to nurse on. Their curious minds cling to any stray object that may break the endless monotony they are forced to endure, any opportunity to learn and expand. Their developing bodies desperately need movement, sunshine, play, nourishment, nurture.

Calves destined for veal are fed a nutrient deficient, anemia inducing diet and are denied any opportunity to move in order to make their
muscles weak and pale enough to be sold as “white veal”. In their critical need for iron, they lick the rusty nails that stick out of the cage walls.

At 4 months old, having never been allowed to move or even turn around in their lives, they are too weak to walk on their own. Men drag them out of their cages by their legs, tails, or ears, shove them into trucks, push them down chutes and prod them onto the killing floor. Still desperate to nurse, many calves try to suckle the fingers of their killers.

All Dairy operations, including Organic, exist solely by doing to millions of defenseless females the worst thing anyone can do to a mother. Dairy consumers support this practice with their purchases.

(Source: Peaceful Prairie)
Can we humans mothers who most certainly feel as acutely as these mothers the pain and agony of the dairy life of losing their children over and over make a difference simply by not choosing to buy dairy (milk, cheese, yogurt, beef, veal)?

Yes we can. Every bit counts, whether it is cutting out one dairy food item or all, for one meal a week, or all.

You feel as much as they do. Help them, because we know what it would feel like to lose our children.

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Friday, February 29, 2008
Organic Living: The Real Cost of Beef

Downers
Video and massive beef recall reveal cost of stinting on food safety and basic humanity
The recall was prompted by a stomach-churning video filmed at a California slaughterhouse showing workers tormenting sick beef cows, known as "downers."

The workers beat, dragged and jabbed the animals' eyes, hoping pain would make them stagger to their feet. They sprayed a powerful water hose into one sick cow's nose.

Their motive? A cow that can't stand up is a cow that won't make money. Federal law discourages turning cows that can't walk or stand into food. Such symptoms mean a higher chance of contamination from feces. They might be a sign of mad cow disease.

The California abattoir where this savagery occurred was cited in 2005 for animal cruelty. But what made the case most shocking is the fact it probably isn't unique.

According to the worker for the Humane Society of the United States, who secretly filmed the slaughterhouse abuse, no one there took any care to hide it. Like all meat processing plants, the facility was supervised by federal inspectors.

And because the plant reportedly was chosen randomly, there's little reason to doubt that what happened there has been repeated elsewhere.
Read the full article.

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Thursday, February 28, 2008
Cats: For Everyone Who Has Ever Been Owned By a Cat
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
The Mommy Life: Jack's Fans use Cars as PR Tool

Because Jack loves cars, lately fans of his have been buying cars to increase their exposure. Grandma buys a car on every visit to Toys R Us and beams proudly whenever Jack tells me Ah Ma bought it for him. Gong Gong, still flush with the huge number of cars he bought for Jack during Xmas, pushes one of them to Jack. Jack tells me Gong Gong bought it for him.

Not to be outdone, his godpa V, very impressed with Jack's eloquent rendition of the word Ferrari and his no less canny ability to identify all Ferraris, insisted on buying one for him. And having done so, 'godpa' is now a regular word and person in Jack's encyclopedic memory. :D

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Organic Living / The Mommy Life: Sporadic Blogging

Yup! I have gone off the radar for a while but have now decided to stop using the Technorati tags so the burden of putting them on won't hinder my need to blog and blog properly. (People who know me well will know my incessant need for doing things properly.)

So on this typical day while Jack is asleep, I'm on my phone typing out a blog entry. And yes, I've been MIA because I've been enjoying motherhood. Jack has been real fun to be with and I have been taking him out shopping, meeting friends, to the kiddies playground, and to the park. When tired, we just stay home and spend time with the cats.

And so, I've been trying to be a better cat parent to my cats, who have invariably been sorely neglected when Jack was born. Now that he can stroke them gently, feed them and call them by name, it's been easier spending quality time with them. Especially with Boy.

I have rearranged their litter boxes so that cleaning them is a better user experience for me and they get more space to hang in. Their room is now airier but now I need to resolve the problem of heavy rain which soaked through the plastic covering. My ever-innovative mom promised a proposal by tomorrow.

I haven't touched milk since I last blogged. Sure I get some in the cheese or yogurt I eat and some in coffee drinks outside but I don't drink it by itself anymore. The thought of a poor cow screaming for her calf taken away from her at birth troubles me and similarly, I haven't had beef since, save for Ikea meatballs which I realised a little too late.

Still the point is to reduce consumption, because to be draconian about it is almost a death sentence to any resolve. It gets too hard so people give up. So it has become a game of substitutes. Rice milk instead of cow's milk, fish instead of beef, pork, or chicken. Beans instead of meat.

Hubby's been enjoying the alternative foods I cook now. Jack is like his dad, eager to sample new foods. So I cook at home much more now and we buy with wherever possible, perhaps 3x a week, humane organic food and we eat out less.

We have bean burritos weekly - it has become a family fave. Grilled cold water fish with organic vegetables is a staple. I only ever cook chicken for the cats and even so I am pondering buying cage-free organic chicken for them and Jack. It costs $20 a chicken vs $5 but that is the cost of eating out once so why not?

Already I am buying cage-free organic eggs which cost $12.50 for 12. If you eat at Ya Kun it is $1.20 for 2 eggs. So it is a treat for Jack and I to share 2 sunny side up eggs, 3x a week. I run through the whole cooking experience with him and he's absolutely fascinated.

Honestly, knowing that the hens didn't have to suffer the cruel factory farming life makes the eggs taste better. That and a dash of extra virgin olive oil.

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Posted at 15:10 by mephala
Comments (1)  

Tuesday, February 05, 2008
The Mommy Life: Links for Parents

Baby shampoo study raises chemical concerns - Phthalates can cause reproductive problems in humans

Folk remedies common cause of lead poisoning - Traditional medicines sicken thousands of children each year, officials say

Chemical in formula packaging may harm baby - bisphenol A found in baby formula

Report urges study of cell phone health effects - Could wireless devices harm children or pregnant women, U.S. experts ask

Consider the agenda of the trade groups and regulatory groups versus the scientists. Who has something to gain from this?

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Posted at 01:12 by mephala
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Saturday, February 02, 2008
The Mommy Life: Jack says Sorry

It was a very eventful day today and for the privacy of those involved, I shall say no more. Nonetheless, all is well now and things have worked out for the best.

Anyhow, we celebrated with dinner at Spizza Harbourfront and the lovely waiters made our visit a delightful one. Dear hubby babysat while we girls talked over scrumptious thin pizzas and I could not resist, a tiramisu (highly recommended at Spizza).

Jack, curious about the tiramisu tipped it over and we all watched in dismay as it smashed to pieces. The wait staff were very kind and helped clean it up without any blame in their faces. I reminded Jack that glass is fragile and if he pushes it and it falls, it will break. I reassured him that everything is okay. No one was hurt. No one was upset. But since the glass belonged to the nice waiter cleaning it up right now and he broke it accidentally, he should say he was sorry.

Jack stared at the broken glass for a long time, looking rather remorseful. He knows when things are broken. He points them out to me all the time. A missing headlight on his car, a crack on his car, sticky tape pasted on his car as repair. So he knows when a glass in pieces means it is broken. I said very gently, say sorry to the waiter.

He looked at the waiter and the manager who both wore a kind look on their faces as they cleaned the mess. And softly came out the word, "sorry", but both of them were not looking at him at the moment, nor heard him. The girls heard and we heard. I repeated gently, look at uncle and say "sorry".

He bravely looked up at the manager, who now took over the final wipes of the table, and the manager looked at him, and he said a peep louder but still soft with remorse, "sorry". The manager smiled at him and said, "it's okay". I added an apology and then gave Jack a big hug and kiss and told him, "I am so proud of you." He beamed like the sun.

After we got up to leave, I asked him to kiss every one of his aunties and he did! Everyone enjoyed their very own kiss with sound effect (muak) and his dad and I hugged him and kissed him and we went home after a lovely day.

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Posted at 01:12 by mephala
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Friday, February 01, 2008
The Mommy Life: Jack Sleeps on His Own!

It was a very thrilling day today for us. We went to my sister's for lunch and Jack got to play with his fave cousins who absolutely adore him. Then we went to Forum for Amber's class. I took Jack for a walk hoping he'd fall asleep but we ended up in Toys R Us where he spotted a "tiny car" exactly like his own and asked if we could buy it.

I agreed, saying this would be his auxiliary car in case his current one, which is his fave, goes missing accidentally. He said okay and kept repeating the word auxiliary while I explained the meaning further. He was almost asleep, clutching the car still in his box when we reached the counter. As I gently tried to prise it out of his hands he woke up, gave it to the nice lady at the counter to scan then asked me to open it.

So he happily clutched his identical cars in his hand when we went to meet sis and Amber. En route home would have been a good time to sleep too, but after nursing for a while and seeing his other cousin Ethan in the car, he decided he "bu4 yao4 shui4" and sat up, enjoying the conversation and showing Amber his "aux-lary tiny car".

After eating 2 slices of cheese, his own gobs of watermelon and some of Ethan's too (while the latter played computer games), we headed off to the kids' swim class and the kiddy pool. I suspected Jack would be a little fussy since he hadn't napped and so he was, reluctant to enter the pool but instead playing at the edges.

However, after everyone joined in the fun (Dad included!), he warmed up and happily let Dad take him to play with the water fountains in the middle of the pool and later joined us in the big pool, splashing and jumping, trying to emulate an older boy who was doing backflips.

He had a great dinner (egg, veg, wholegrain toast, rice, some fries) and off we left in the car for home. He dozed in the car but somehow when we reached home, he was up! So I asked him if he wanted to eat the blueberries I bought him in the fridge and he said "yao4" and I promptly washed one batch for him.

He began eating them by himself while playing with his cars, finished them and asked me for more. I washed the rest and he ate them all - the whole punnel! I was very impressed. At this point I was very dozy and asked if he wanted to shower and sleep. He said yes but I couldn't get up. The next thing I knew was his dad's voice outside the house and I woke to find him fast asleep in my arms (my last memory was nursing him).

And he wouldn't budge! I let him sleep for half an hour while chatting with his dad (and eating pineapple tarts) and finally passed him to his dad. He woke up, looking puzzled and rather perplexed at his dad. It reminded me last night when he woke up crying for mama and then suddenly opened his eyes to see his dad smiling at him. His eyes widened in shock and he stopped crying for a moment. It was so cute and hilarious! :D

He let his dad take him to the kitchen for some fruit (I believe they ate pear) and then a shower. Off to bed and a big cuddle and kiss from us. He started nursing with his tiny car in hand, shifting from one boob to another, seemingly unusually restless. Finally still rather awake, he turned to his dad who was now fast asleep, fiddled with his car and with my arm under his neck, slowly fell asleep!

This is a historical moment because he usually falls asleep, boob in mouth then it slackens and I ease away. While trying to gently extract my arm, he woke, turned for boob, nursed a little, and then turned away to sleep again. I almost wept.

I went out to the kitchen, petted Boy and still smile in amazement at how he brings me so much delight every day.

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Posted at 21:40 by mephala
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Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Cats & Babies: Happy Birthday Boy!


16 years have passed since I brought my sweet Boy home from the drain I found him crying for his mom in. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I had to take him home. He charmed everyone and has become an integral part of our family since.

Photobucket

He has given me so much love and companionship over our 16 years together that I cannot imagine a day without looking at his sweet face, of him blinking back at me with a serene look in his face.

Sits for a moment

He has been gentle and patient with Jack and in turn, Jack has learnt to be gentle and patient with him. It is a beautiful friendship.

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Today he turns 16. Jack and I sat on the kitchen floor with him, stroked his fur, and sang Happy Birthday to him. Happy birthday, my sweetheart! May we have many more happy years to come.

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Posted at 02:08 by mephala
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